Revenge of the fish

"A man walking alone on a deserted beach comes upon a chocolate eclair. Written and driected by Jeff Stark, this feature stars Ewan McGregor."

Having a perfectly good week can be disastrous

Hump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Moncton Times & Transcript
Editorial Page

Have you ever had someone call you on the telephone for no reason... perhaps just to say "Hi!"?

And then you sit there, not particularly wanting to talk to anyone, but more than willing to if something interesting needs to be said or there's some juicy piece of gossip that requires spreading, but the person who called has nothing to say?

"What's up?" I ask. "Nothing," they respond. It pretty much goes downhill from there. Remember, calling someone is like going to their home and knocking on the door and wanting to come in and spend some time. Why would anyone do that if they have nothing to say?

This is going to be a column like that. I have nothing to say this week. I was on vacation last week and stayed home. My office pretty much left me alone, so nothing to complain about there. They let me relax, which I appreciate.

I didn't get the flu. I haven't had a cold lately, either. My latest dental check-up was nothing out of the ordinary, either. No cavities. The hygienist told me to floss more. Not exactly front-page news or something that would cause a panicked Peter Mansbridge to interrupt game seven of the Stanley Cup playoffs with a news bulletin so shocking that he's holding a Bible and has mascara-stained tears rolling down his face.

No one died. Everyone is relatively healthy. Sure, I know a few people who have contracted H1N1, but they're recovering or completely over things and back to work or school. I went to Halifax on the weekend and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I didn't have an accident. I didn't get a flat tire. I had a perfectly pleasant trip.

I got paid on time last week. All my expense claims were included, too, and there were no errors. Everyone else who owed me money paid up. Everyone I owe money to was paid on time, as well. Sadly, I didn't win the lottery, but that's not exactly a shocker. Besides, I forgot to buy tickets. No column on that this week, either.

The volunteer work I'm doing couldn't be better. Things in the organizations with which I'm involved are going really well and we're making strides toward great things. I can't write about turmoil and board meetings that end in shootouts, calls to 911 and crying relatives standing over covered bodies after a budget discussion that got out of hand.

Overall, things are pretty good. It's almost enough to make a columnist cry. Where's the tragedy? Where are the floods? I've looked under my sofa cushions for locusts and lepers -- even locusts with leprosy. Heck, I'd even settle for a leprechaun with the sniffles... but so far this week, nothing!

When I ask friends for column ideas on Facebook or Twitter, I get perfectly nice suggestions that would make wonderful columns, but most of the time the suggestions aren't something I'd normally write about or are about events I didn't personally attend, so it makes it a bit difficult to relate to, sometimes.

What did I do to deserve such a bland week, anyway? You'd think I could have figured out something to put me on Santa Claus's naughty list... or at least something to have the Easter Bunny send me a strongly worded letter of disapproval. But no. I had to have a week where nothing momentous happened.

I could have had a UFO fly over my house. But no. I could have heard a knock on my door in the middle of the night only to find a dozen world leaders clamouring for some advice. But no. The only people who knocked on my door this past week were minor hockey players collecting bottles for a fund-raising drive and a couple of perfectly nice young Mormon chaps who were disgustingly courteous.

What is this world coming to? Look, guys, at least realize when you're knocking at a columnist's door, OK, and at least hold a gun to my head and rob me blind. What was that, anyway? You were clean-cut and weren't pushy. You asked if you could come back at some point to chat after I told you I was on the telephone (I really was), and then you responded, "Fair enough!" and smiled and left politely when I told you it would probably be a waste of time. What? No sales job? No temper tantrum? No evil eye? No finger? C'mon! I write a column here!!

I live across the street from a park. Could I have been awakened in the middle of the night to find that some noisy rogue circus with flatulent elephants had set up shop without a permit from the city? Yes. That would have been nice. But no. Instead, I get children playing quietly, people walking their happy, well-fed dogs (always on leash, too!), and a beautiful Christmas tree put up by the municipality. What did I do to deserve this? Why do you people hate me so? Oh woe is me! Alas! Egad! Horrors!

My computer that crashed a few weeks ago is perfectly fine, now. All my data was saved, too. You'd think that the technicians could have found some e-mails I wrote threatening to assassinate Aunt Jemima or kidnap Betty Crocker so that I'd be thrown in jail. But no. Everything went well. I could just spit nails.

The leaky basement I had a few weeks ago? Well, the repairs worked great and even with all the rain we've had lately, the lower level of my home is bone dry. Why, God... why?? If you loved me, I'd wake up to salmon spawning down there.

Let's hope for an eventful seven days so that I have something to write about next week. Bring on the sniffling leprechauns!

This week's Hump Day column...

... is about writer's block. What's a columnist to do when everything in the past week went well? Nothing to complain or whine about... Sheesh!

Check out Hump Day on the editorial page of today's Moncton Times & Transcript, New Brunswick's highest-circulation newspaper.

Excuse me, there's something in my eye...

A U.S. soldier returned home after several months away. Here's what happened when his dog saw him for the first time...

Have another drink, dear...

Have fun finding a girlfriend, buddy!

The five top-selling singles of all time

I found this by mistake today on Wikipedia and thought it was interesting. According to the site, here are the top-selling singles of all time:

#1: "Candle in the Wind - 1997" by Elton John - 37 million copies sold



#2: "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby - 30 million copies sold



#3: "Silent Night" by Bing Crosby - 30 million copies sold



#4: "Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley and the Comets - 25 million copies sold



#5: "Coração de luto" by Teixeirinha - 25 million copies

Frank McKenna signing copies of "Beyond Politics" by Harvey Sawler at Chapters in Dieppe, NB, earlier this evening

Former New Brunswick premier and Canadian ambassador to the U.S. - and current vice-president of the TD Bank, Frank McKenna, was at Chapters in Dieppe, NB, earlier this evening signing copies of "Beyond Politics" by Harvey Sawler. The book is a look at McKenna's life largely after leaving politics in 1998.

David Logan on tribal leadership

Construction cat calls

Fred Figglehorn - Christmas Cash - Official Music Video

Glad to see Fred is keeping Jesus in the season... not! Ha! Well, he's only six years old, you know. :P

Help Moncton's Harvest House accomplish their "Mission Possible" by raising $14,000 for winter heating oil

From now until Saturday at 6 p.m., Harvest House is seeking to raise $14,000 to buy winter heating oil for its shelter and residential facilities in Moncton. Moncton winters can be cold and snowy and they need to fill 20 tanks’ worth ($700 per tank) to keep everyone safe and warm.

Volunteers will be living and sleeping in a large cardboard storage container in the Champlain Place parking lot between Sears and Mikes Restaurant near the intersection (Bank of Montreal / A&W / Bulk Barn).

In addition to the $14,000 needed for heating, Harvest House is also asking for donations of food, blankets and clothing -- all of which can be dropped off at the event. Drop off your donations from now until Saturday at 6 p.m. and help keep the heat on at Harvest House this winter! For more information, click here.

This event is part of the Greater Moncton Chamber of Commerce's Mission Possible initiative. Click here for some recent media coverage in the Moncton Times & Transcript.

The above photos were taken earlier today between 5-6 p.m.

Thanking those who've given so much for Canada

Trevor GreeneGreg KruseMichael Pineau Hump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Moncton Times & Transcript
Editorial page

Today is Remembrance Day, a day to honour and give thanks to those who died and fought for our country.

When I was a kid, 'war' was a long-ago event that only old men and women had worried about. I remember watching the ceremonies on television and the elderly people taking part in the parades. Each year, the number of eligible Silver Cross Mothers -- mothers of those who had died in war -- dwindled due to age. With more than 100 Canadian soldiers killed while serving in Afghanistan -- and many more injured -- there is a new batch of Silver Cross Mothers, family members and friends who have been directly affected by war in today's modern society.

My grandfather -- Michael Pineau -- served in the First World War with the 105th, 104th and 26th Battalions, as well as the 13th Reserve Battalion. He enlisted 94 years ago today on Nov. 11, 1915, in Charlottetown. After boarding the S.S. Empress of Britain in Halifax on July 15, 1916, he arrived in Liverpool, England, on July 25, 1916.

He fought in France and was wounded; shot in the face. He also developed a pronounced limp after developing arthritis from spending so much time in damp foxholes. He limped for the rest of his life. After the war ended, he was shipped back to Canada, leaving Liverpool -- where he had arrived just over two years before -- on Dec. 12, 1918, and arriving in Halifax again in January. He was discharged on Jan. 24, 1919, and returned to P.E.I. and teaching, his career before entering the army.

I'm not sure when the limp took hold -- in France or back home on P.E.I., but it never stopped him from farming, getting around or raising a large family that included my mother. Regardless, the limp was a daily reminder of his having fought in France and it plagued him until the day he died in December 1986 at the ripe old age of 93.

While my grandfather made it through the war alive and able to carry on with his life -- a very long life, in fact -- the war in Afghanistan is hitting this generation of Canadians very hard, although not at the same terrible levels of the First World War (67,000 Canadians killed), Second World War (45,300 Canadians killed), and other conflicts and peacekeeping missions.

As a percentage of population, the number of Canadian soldiers killed in Afghanistan pales in comparison to the two World Wars. The First World War, especially, must have been devastating on so many families. It's the sheer impact that is mind-boggling. Many of us don't know someone personally who's been injured or killed in Afghanistan. In comparison to the two great wars, the numbers are small. Can you imagine living in Canada at the end of the First World War with 67,000 casualties out of a population of only 8.1 million? Everyone likely had a friend or relative who perished. It must have been terrible. I can only imagine -- and I hope it stays that way.

With that said, however, I do happen to have connections to two Canadian soldiers who served in Afghanistan -- one who died and one who was severely injured and who has shown an amazing amount of courage and strength.

I went to university with Captain Trevor Greene, who was injured in an axe attack in Afghanistan on March 4, 2006. Through a long and hard struggle, he somehow survived his life-threatening injuries and even gives public speeches now on the need for Canada to continue our commitment to the Afghani people. His courage and determination to walk again can only be seen as a testament to his love of life and his family. If you haven't had the chance to catch it, a documentary on his life after his injury is rerun from time to time on television. In fact, "Peace Warrior" recently won a Gemini Award for best biography documentary. It's truly uplifting.

Another King's classmate, Jill (Little) Kruse, lost her husband Sgt. Greg Kruse last Dec. 27 after a roadside bomb went off. Two days earlier, on Christmas Day, he'd called her to tell her the news that they were being transferred back home to CFB Gagetown near Fredericton. Needless to say, her happiness was short lived: two days.

After university, Jill and I lost touch for several years, however we reconnected recently thanks to Facebook. I remember reading about her anguish of his leaving for Afghanistan. I only knew the name of one Canadian soldier serving in Afghanistan -- Sgt. Greg Kruse -- and on the morning of Sunday, Dec. 28, when my radio alarm went off, I heard on the national news that "Sgt. Greg Kruse" had been killed. I bolted awake instantly and ran to my computer to check Facebook to see if it was true. Jill's Facebook page was already filled with messages of condolences and grief.

I've followed her on Facebook ever since, of course. She's moved back to the Fredericton area and is trying to move on with her three young daughters. There are good days and bad days. This is the year of firsts: the first birthdays without Greg, the first wedding anniversary without him, the first Christmas without him, the first anniversary of his death. I admire her strength. Remembrance Day this year will be particularly poignant for Jill, her daughters, and the rest of the family.

Today is Remembrance Day. I wear my poppy proudly. I hope you do, too. I remember my grandfather who somehow miraculously made it out alive and lived a long life. I remember Captain Trevor Greene who hopes to walk again someday. I remember Sgt. Greg Kruse who never made it home. Thank you all.