Hump Day
By Brian Cormier
Moncton Times & Transcript
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Editorial Page
For the first time in my life, I have a passport. The world is now my oyster. Sure, I could have always travelled to the U.S. before without one, but as of this year, even that wasn't an option for me without a valid passport. I've never been big on travel, but receiving the passport has ignited a spark in me that has left me shaking my head in wonder and surprise.
You see, I've caught the travel bug -- and it's the first time in my life that I've felt this way. It's a very odd feeling for someone who's always been happy to spend holidays at home doing nothing.
Sure, I'd do day trips here and there, but I've never really had the urge to travel anywhere substantial, such as Europe or anywhere like that. If it wasn't a day's drive away, it wasn't an option. Sure, I've flown a few times on a couple of business trips and service club conventions, but they technically weren't vacations. As far as taking a real honest-to-goodness vacation, it's not something I've ever been interested in doing.
Before the passport arrived, I would have much rather spent my money on a new electronic gadget or something similar. Why invest several hundred dollars in airline tickets when you could buy something shiny with lights on it that goes "beep beep beep"? I would much rather do that.
And by the way, I have drawers full of shiny things with lights on them that go "beep beep beep." Instead of hoarding electronics that I'll never fully use, might as well start investing in life experiences, huh?
I have friends who love to travel. They are addicted to it, in fact. They've experienced many continents, lots of different cultures and can relate to more things than I can (at least at this point) because they've seen so much in person. Meanwhile, I'm left to wonder what these places are like.
Just "wondering" what these places were like was satisfying before, but I've started to want to personally experience them myself. What's more valuable? A real-life experience or another bauble hidden away in a drawer?
Now, the big question is where in the world will I go? As someone who's admittedly not a seasoned traveller, should I stick close to home at first to "get my feet wet" or should I just dive in full steam ahead and wake up one morning somewhere in a hut in Mongolia with a hot plate of boodog in front of me for lunch? (Boodog is a marmot or goat cooked with hot stones in the stomach. I Googled "Mongolian food" and that was the weirdest thing I found.)
There's a part of me that wants to do something like that, such as going somewhere that most people haven't. I have zero desire to fly to the Dominican Republic or Cuba to sit on a beach. We have plenty of nice beaches around here that I can sit on in the summer if I want to.
In fact, I just don't like the heat to begin with, so flying somewhere where you can fry an egg on a sidewalk probably isn't in the cards. I'm not pretty when I sweat. And I whine a lot when I'm overheated, too -- even more than usual.
Like I said, I'd rather go somewhere exotic and unique, but within a reasonable budget. Does that even exist? I'm not sure if I'm being realistic.
I thought about a guided bus tour but I think I'm a bit young for that. I also thought of one of those guided tours for younger people, but those are usually people in their 20s who are looking to pickle themselves with liquor. Hey, if I wanted to forget where I am, I'm sure as heck not going to spend $2,000 on airline tickets and then forget where I even went. If I'm going to fork out some serious dough, I fully intend on having the entire experience tattooed on my eyeballs for future reference.
I'm the kind of person who'd probably want to get my money's worth so badly that I'd steal something out of a museum and try to smuggle it home with me. "They won't miss it. It'll take them 10 years to even figure out it's gone."
Either that, or "Is that an Egyptian pyramid in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Then I'd be forced to reply, "Actually, it's a pyramid."
The pyramids would be cool, but only if they have air conditioning. And then there's my complete aversion to public bathrooms. I hate them. I would rather bleed out of my eyes before I use a public bathroom.
That is a problem when you travel, and I'm not quite at the stage yet when I'm going to willingly start wearing diapers. Well, at least I'd have the seat on the bus tour all to myself, eh?
I've been contemplating visiting New York City. A person can easily drive there or fly directly without too much hassle.
I could combine my celebrity addiction with this newfound travel bug by spending the week in the Big Apple checking out Broadway musicals and trying to get into the live audiences of various New York-based talk shows, such as Live with Regis and Kelly, Martha Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Rachael Ray, Maury Povich, Tyra Banks, The View and Saturday Night Live!
Talk shows, museums and tourist attractions during the day, Broadway and other entertainment venues at night. Hmm... that would be a great trip.
And hopefully Martha Stewart won't mind letting me use her private bathroom while I'm there.