Thursday, October 07, 2010

In search of a hobby with all the right elements...

Hump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Moncton Times & Transcript
Editorial section

I need a craft-related hobby. Oh sure, I watch TV - probably a bit too much, actually. Always have, especially when I was a kid.

I have to laugh whenever people tell me that they also watched a lot of TV when they were kids. "Oh honey," I'd say in my most deprecating tone, "I know you think you did, but nothing can hold a candle to my staring at the TV for hours on end watching anything and everything."

Then they would try to argue with me by telling me they would spend hours in front of the TV too. It's at this point that I just hold my hand over their mouth and whisper, "Shhhh! Don't embarrass yourself. Just shhhh... I told you that no one can hold a candle to my TV watching. Just accept it and move on."

I think you get the drift that I was a real addict. With technology, though, these days I watch what I want to thanks to recording devices that weren't available when I was a kid. No more watching shows I don't even like just for something to do!

So, like I said, I'm thinking of taking up a hobby that will force me to use my hands. I'm online way too much as it is, so something computer-related is out, although maybe blogging about my hobby is a possibility.

Hmmm... I wrote the word "candle" earlier. Maybe I could make candles? One of my favourite childhood Christmas gifts was a candle-making kit. It was lots of fun. But let's face it, there are only so many candles a person can use. And since I never burn candles and there are so many varieties on the market for friends and family to choose, I don't think I'll bother.

I could take up buying model kits and putting together cars, ships and airplanes. Nope. Not a good idea. My sausage fingers wouldn't work too great with those small parts and super glue. And besides, I really like the smell of model glue and would get addicted. I'm pretty sure the authorities would eventually find me naked in a ditch with weird little plastic parts of models stuck to my body.

That would be a bit difficult for my family to explain to the funeral home, wouldn't it? "Oh the plastic 1957 Chevy chassis glued to his forehead? Uhm... well, he was born that way. It's a really rare birth defect."

Another childhood Christmas gift was a wood-burning kit. Lovely smell. Like a fireplace. Horrible on the fingers, though. I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get away with murder -- literally -- because my fingerprints were permanently burned off after hours of play and mishaps.

There's scrapbooking. Do men do that? I'm not sure. I know every second woman I talk to "scraps." I have a cousin who's a scrapbooking maniac.

If you cut your finger while chopping carrots you wake up the next morning with a 50-page scrapbook of the incident left at your door, complete with photos, dried bloody carrots arranged in the form of a heart on the cover and a photo of the person who donated blood to you, including their family tree back to the birth of Moses.

Woodworking? Uhm, no. I made a pitiful little shelf during shop class in junior high school. That was enough for me. I don't have the patience to sand wood. Everything I would make would give people splinters. "Tommy, give your Uncle Brian a hug for the nice bird feeder he made you for your birthday! Oops... it fell in the fireplace! Darn!"

In search of a possible hobby, I walked through a large crafts store on the weekend looking at the wide variety of things I could do.

Maybe I could paint? No. Again, I'd likely get addicted to the smell of the paints and be seen walking around town with a nose that looked like a rainbow. Besides, I think the world already has enough bad amateur paintings of bowls of fruit.

What about bead work? No, again my sausage fingers and those tiny little beads wouldn't mix well. I'd end up sitting in the corner and sobbing like a crazy person. That's what happens to a sausage-fingered person when they only manage to get three beads on a string for every six hours they work at it.

Actually, I've been half thinking of taking up knitting. Men knit, right? According to my online research we certainly do, but I don't have the patience to knit clothing and there are only so many scarves that I can churn out before everyone I know owns one. There's also crochet work, which could be interesting. Want an afghan? Maybe I'll learn how to make one. Everyone likes afghans, right?

Quilting is an option. Again, not normally something men do, but who cares? So many different things can be used for quilting. Old men's silk neckties are an interesting option. Search online for photos. So unique! Who doesn't love a good quilt? But it takes up so much space and, again, I'm not sure if I'd be able to part with a quilt after labouring over it for so long. "You did what on top the quilt I made? You filthy people!"

Oh, I don't know what to do. I refuse to read instructions, so buying a book and learning on my own is out. And taking a class could eat into valuable TV watching time... so I guess those ugly quilts and hideous scarves will have to wait for now.

6 comments:

Kathy Mercure said...

Hmmm... speaking of TV and of crafts, Martha Stewart was on Oprah the other day and has a complete line of crafting tools at Michael's. You could hand-craft cards with lovely scalloped edges, with only two ingenious little tools!

In the day Rose Greer embroidered. Men definitely knit. You could make the world's longest scarf with only two stitches. Well, one if you don't care what it looks like in the end.

Gisèle said...

ok, scrapbooking maniac?? enthusiast would be more appropriate!
yes men scrapbook, knit, crochet...
You could join Project Linus and knit a blanket , I have an extremely easy pattern!

Brian Cormier said...

LOL Did I say it was you? Did I use your name? Feeling sensitive? haha... Easy pattern... I would hope so. I can put buttons back on shirts but that's about it! Ha!

LittleInsect said...

me? I have so many hobbies, I've forgotten what a TV even looks like!
Seriously, why not look for a charity that can use hand-made items? Maybe one that sells hand-made cards to raise money, or even one where you knit squares for blankets.
The beauty of these is, it keeps you occupied, it does some good for others, and you don't end up with a house full of finished items that you have no use for!

Paul Melanson said...

Memories .... I had forgotten about those wood burning kits. They must place a close second to lawn darts for dangerous toys! Of course, which kid can't resist to see how hot that burning element can get. OUCH!!

Brian Cormier said...

There's actually a crochet-related book for men! http://www.amazon.com/Crochet-Dudes-Designs-Guys-Projects/dp/1600592309